Transforming your “F*** it!” button
Does this sound familiar? It’s been one of those weeks. Work has been relentless, from prepping for financial forecasts to an unexpected leadership meeting question that sent you on a day-long treasure hunt to uncover what went wrong with the flagship program. Add to that a parents' evening, a canceled after-school club, frantic school runs, meetings held via mobile while passing out snacks, and a hedge-trimming mishap leading to an A&E trip (everyone’s fine, thankfully). The laundry is piling up, the dishwasher needs emptying, the pet food's running low, and you’re out of coffee. Decisions are looming everywhere.
Sleep has eluded you, yet fatigue clings to you throughout the day. Your skin feels like it’s under attack from hot needles, making concentration nearly impossible, and you just want to scream at everyone to be quiet. You know what you should do: attend that yoga class, drink a green smoothie, go for a walk or run, hydrate, have an early night. But come Friday 5 PM, something happens. That internal button is pushed, and you think, “F*** it!” You order takeout, crack open a bottle of wine (while another chills in the fridge), and take the quick route to decompress: food delivery and a softening of the brain’s edges with alcohol.
These are “maladaptive coping strategies,” and we all have them. They serve a purpose and help us keep going, but over time they harm us. They don’t provide the long-term benefits or well-being we deeply crave. Yet they come easily and often require less effort than all the “well-being strategies” we read about in self-help books. So let’s start there: We all have a “F*** It!” button, and we all push it. The frequency varies, but the key point is that we push it, and it’s often aimed at ourselves.
Think about it: It’s more likely we say, “F*** it! I won’t have breakfast, I’ll just grab a coffee on the way,” or “F*** it! I’m getting McDonald’s on the way to A&E,” or “F*** it! I’ll pick up a bottle of wine on the way home.” We seldom say, “F*** it! I won’t attend the meeting, I’ll go for a walk instead,” or “F*** it! I won’t pick up the kids from school.” (in fairness that last one isn’t really an option…)
We do what’s feasible and achievable to keep us going. Whatever happens when we push that button helps in the moment, even if it brings guilt, adds to overall exhaustion, or aggravates perimenopausal symptoms. It keeps us going, and that’s why we keep pushing it. And pushing it. And pushing it some more. Before we know it, we feel there’s no alternative. Many women I meet feel that change is too hard, that not pushing that button means they might stop functioning, fall apart, or drop the ball. But they feel the exhaustion more acutely, and now a voice whispers ever louder about their failures.
This doom loop can bring weight fluctuations, increased hot flushes, exhaustion, headaches, and other physical symptoms, making many women feel helpless. It seems impossible to diffuse our internal “F*** it!” button. But what if we could turn it from red to green? What if we could make it work for us instead of against us? We can!
First, acknowledge that this button has served you well. It has helped you succeed and keep going.
Second, notice when you push it. Is it close to a crisis? When you’re exhausted? During back-to-back meetings? When do you need to push it to keep going?
Finally, push it sooner. Push it first thing in the morning, during your coffee break, or every evening. But push it for you! Rewire it to give you stop time rather than keep you going. Push it and say, “F*** it! This is time for me!” “F*** it! I’m going to take 5 minutes to grab some fresh air.” “F*** it! I’m going to take one minute to stretch out the anger.” Or even, “F*** it! I’m finishing this email tomorrow and leaving on time.”
Rewiring takes time, trial and error, and maybe a bit of help. But you’re worth it. With everything you’re managing, you’re allowed to turn this button from red to green.
